I wouldn’t have willingly chosen to experience the rocky road of struggling with fertility, I know that for sure. I think this can be said for any journey of suffering that humans endure while here on Earth.

Spiritual teacher, Ram Dass, said, "Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” This is the truth. I have grown through this journey, gained knowledge, and discovered my spiritual practice. Do I consider this an opportunity of a lifetime? Maybe I ought to! I’ve had the opportunity to dive deep into soul work, peel back layers, learn how to view my body as fertile, and work on tuning in to what my body and spirit need in each moment.

If someone would’ve told me this would happen when this journey began, or even two years ago, I would’ve laughed in their face and probably whispered “asshole” under my breath. You want me to use my struggle and pain to journey into the depths of my soul? Is that some sort of a sick joke? Hear me out.

Focusing on my fertility, releasing fear and shame surrounding my womb, and giving myself permission to crack open have been profound learning experiences. I’ve made it sacred.

I’ve learned to love my womb, my body, and my heart. I’ve learned about spirit babies. I’ve learned about the energy body and FELT energy. I’ve connected with amazing women. I’ve had time to observe the life force within our universal consciousness. Most of all, I’ve learned to trust my heart, be vulnerable, speak and live my truth, and get acquainted with my soul on a deep level. We are souls.

The Experience That Started it All

The kick-off point, although I didn’t know it at the time, was after a visit with my now dear friend, Suzanne. She does deep-level soul healing and I was at her house for my first healing touch and soul work session. At the beginning of the session, she got tears in her eyes and said, “There are two spirits here with us. One of them is very tender, do you know who that would be?” My first thought was my Grandma Corny, who was the most tender woman on the planet. Suzanne said that it wasn’t her. She said the spirits were fluttering around the room like butterflies. A few minutes later, she said, “It’s your children. One of them is very tender, your companion. She wants you to know that you’re not doing anything wrong.”

This was almost three years ago. But I think about it every day. I’m not doing anything wrong. This is not my fault.

It also showed me firsthand that the souls of our children choose us. I read more about this as the years went on and highly recommend Walter Makichen’s book, Spirit Babies.

Finding Ways to CONNECT

I continued to connect through meditation, yoga, and in my dreams. I trust the process and have enjoyed nourishing my womb. I still experience dark days, but instead of lying in bed and hiding, I acknowledge and honor ALL of my emotions. We have so much to learn from what comes up.

Some of the ways that I dive into my spiritual practice and deepen my soul work are:

Practicing yoga:
- Strengthens my body and increases my flexibility in mind, body, and spirit
- Helps me shine from the inside out
Meditating:
- Tunes me into my essence
- Gives me time to process emotions and trauma
- Helps me connect with my spirit babies
Enjoying nourishing meals:
- Provides sustenance so I can have a clear head to practice patience, kindness, and love
Walking barefoot and plugging into the Earth
Hugging trees
Setting intention and repeating mantras
Going to concerts and dancing
- Cranking music and dancing at home is also joyful
  - And makes you feel like you've got the moves : )

Even after I have children, I will continue to connect to my womb and my fertility because this is the center of our life force. It’s connected to our second chakra, which is a BIG deal for both women and men, even after child-bearing years.

It feels good and right to be guided by my heart, by my womb. Love and attention flows to what we give attention to. Without my struggle with fertility, I may have never gotten to know myself on such a deep, intoxicating level.

I most likely wouldn’t know deep down in my soul that I want to help women nourish their wombs to get in touch with themselves to help bring their babies home. This is work that excites me. It feels in line with what I was born to do. It lights me up.

PS - I just started reading Womb Awakening by Azra Bertrand, M.D. and Seren Bertrand. This is fascinating stuff!! I’m going deeper because there’s always more to discover and learn. I'll be sure to include my takeaways in some posts in the future.

Also, this:

The female body is a sacred space for meeting with spirit.

Women are the weavers of our universe: through their bodies they take in pure creative essence and then actively create a dynamic form.

Modern women can access this capacity with intention only when they know how to work with the underlying patterns that shape their creative range....restoring an intimate relationship to the sacred within.

~ Tami Lynn Kent in "Wild Feminine"

Thank you for being here! What are ways that you connect to your higher self?